Unintentional Hipster

I just like wearing women's jeans, not eating animal products and writing shit nobody cares about. It was an accident, I swear

Archive for the tag “Lady Gaga”

Hangover Hatred: Anti-commercial music wankers

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Good afternoon everybody! How we all doing?! Good?! YEAH FUCK YEAH I’M SO HUNGOVER HABAWWWWWW

So like how I seem to have promised myself at 4:30 in the morning…on this blog, to share my absolutely horrendous, god-awful poetry (and if you were ever a girl I was trying to sleep with in high-school or used to follow my blogs back when I was wayyyy younger on myspace, then you’d know…it’s fair shite), I feel like creating a little regular thing to do. I’m going to call this thing Hangover Hatred (nice ring to it ay?). It’s basically the same as Peter Griffin’s, “You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?” thing, except I’m not that funny. See, I could have made a successful joke about how I would grind your gears but no, I didn’t. I’m that guy. That guy who is not that other guy who does thing.

So, the point of this blog is to have a bit of a rant and rave over people who don’t like commercial music and call it utter shite for little other reason than it’s popular. Now, I’m not talking about a classical musician, who doesn’t dig ANY form of contemporary music, even contemporary classical. I’m also not talking about people who just don’t dig Ke$ha cause she’s a power slut, coke-headed out of tune mongrel dog…people like me I suppose…

No, I’m talking about the intentional hipsters who hate everything commercialised simply because it’s successful, and therefore make absolutely heinous assumptions about the artists based upon them being popular. I once heard somebody call Beyoncé a shit singer because they didn’t dig her style. Holy…like…I just…maybe…slap the stupid out of you boy? Or saying only old Kings of Leon tracks are good, before they “sold out”. They didn’t sell out you twit, they got famous. Their music was considered better by a wider audience..more people wanted to listen to it and buy it…I wasn’t aware selling out was a perfect synonym for successful? Weird.

There’s that funny little misconception that because it’s pop music, it’s all really simple and super easy and anybody can do it, anybody can write it or play it or sing it. If that’s true, then why doesn’t that slutty brunette girl I went to high school with who has far from any problem giving it away for nothing let alone if it were to further her career  not famous? Well…because she, although not awful, doesn’t have what it takes. Yeah she was kinda hot and yeah she could sing and she wouldn’t have an issue using her sex appeal to sell but…she didn’t have what it takes.

Or guys like John Mayer. Man, I’ve been playing guitar for eight years with a relatively solid practice regime and if I had a knickel for every solo of his I couldn’t play, well I’d have a shitload of knickels.

The thing that…well, really grinds my gears is when people say “So and so totally sold out!” when talking about music. A great example of this would be the Red Hot Chili Peppers with the album Californication, or if you’re hardcore hipster about it all, Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik. Now, I am an outrageous RHCP fan, I intend on getting at least two tattoos directly related to them in my lifetime and know my way through the majority of their catalogue very, very well. But I’m not a fan in denial, I know that their first big commercial success, which was BSSM, was up to that point th eir best album. In terms of lyrics, song structure, musicality, performance, everything just takes the cake on anything previous. It was also a huge defining point for a hell of a lot of musicians all over the world in what they would or would not do. But, many hipsters, in their infinite wisdom, define everything post Slovak’s death (including Mother’s Milk) as rubbish-people can’t write good music? Crazy. JUST CRAZY

I still haven’t figured out if Nelly Furtado “sold out” or not. She pulls off that promiscuity amazingly so maybe she just always had it in her. I don’t like it, but if you got it flaunt I suppose. And anybody who says Lady Gaga “sold out” after seeing the videos of her performing playing piano and what not, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND?! CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH FUN SHE IS HAVING?!!! SHE’S LIVING THE DREAM! SHE’S A GAY ICON, A SEX ICON, A POP ICON, AN ICON FFS! Don’t be silly. SIlly heads!

Admittedly I started this blog like 6 hours ago when I was hungover and just came back to it now, realizing it has lain here unposted for hours. I feel much better now but this is all still true, just poorly worded. Just remember  the moral of my hangover:

If you don’t like something, it doesn’t mean it’s shit. Vivaldi is far from being a shitty composer, he’s awesome, but he bores me dickless and I really don’t enjoy it.

Sometimes, it’s okay to just write music for other people. Nobody wrote music for themselves to just express themselves before the middle of the 19th century. There’s nothing wrong with making money.

Yes, being talented with a computer does make you a musician too. I mean, you can keep the pitch matched up and set triggers and use auto-tune but realistically, it’s hard to make music that anyone likes and if people can do that using nothing but a computer, then fuck it, I say they’re just as much of a musician as I am.

Simple isn’t bad!

Yeah that’s it. Cool. I feel SOOO much better.

Hope everybody has a smashing weekend (and for y’all back home hope the first night hasn’t munted y’all too badly!) and I loves youze all.

Except Joe. You’re an asshole.

Toby Fredkin

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