Unintentional Hipster

I just like wearing women's jeans, not eating animal products and writing shit nobody cares about. It was an accident, I swear

Archive for the tag “brighton”

What I Learned In Brighton

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Brighton is a wonderfully beautiful little city. There’s just absolutely no way to describe how swiftly and how heavily I fell in love with this place and I really wish I’d invested some more time in being there during my stay in England. Before I planned on traveling about Europe and returning back home, I had the full intention of relocating my life from London to Brighton in search of spiritual greener pastures.

So I’ve only ever spent three days in Brighton and I’m terribly unfamiliar with not only the streets and the nightlife but wholly unfamiliar with the locals. I mean, I’ve met a decent few people from Brighton whilst I’ve been out and about but not people from Brighton in Brighton, if you know what I mean.

Whilst I was in Brighton, I sort of began to develop a sounder understanding of what it is I wanted out of life, there was an atmosphere there that I simply couldn’t put into words. In a manner of speaking, minus the fact that it still has English weather, Brighton was exactly what a city needed to be for me. No more and no less perfectly suited for me.

First of all, it was jam packed full of music, veganism and too numerous to count shops promoting ethical consumerism and manufacturing. Just to stress again, I LOVE MUSIC, ANIMALS, MOTHER EARTH AND HUMAN RIGHTS! AND BRIGHTON LOVES THEM TOO! It’s dreadfully fun to imagine being somewhere where I don’t have to preach anything to anybody who’s curious because everybody knows! As I’m fairly sure people in most every language in the world but English say: Super Cool!!!!! Me and my best friend got lost on a walk from the Pier to Race Hill (where we were staying) and it took us well over an hour to complete a half hour walk, in the most heinous rain I’ve ever been out in in my life. It was a Wednesday night and every single bar and cafe we walked past had live music pumping. Amazing!
So, the obvious little part aside, down to the little things.

The way the city is set up and decorated is beautiful. It’s nothing grand and magnanimous like London or Madrid (my only focal points) but it’s quaint and colourful. It doesn’t scream out, “Hey! Look at me, I’m gorgeous!” because it’s not that sort of place, but you walk through and just think, “Hey…Look at it, it’s gorgeous!” Yet underneath all of this understated beauty was this strange feeling all around me. And I simply couldn’t pick up where it came from…it was just…right. Kind of like when you can’t figure out the next chord in a progression you’re writing, so you just stick your fingers down in random places and push it out and get your answer.

Most of you will know I’ve been going fairly crazy in/on/about life right now and it’s been like that for a while, but every time that I sneak off to Brighton, everything’s just totally fine.

I had 99 problems. Brightoned up, got none.

What I learned in Brighton is very difficult for me to adequately put into words-it’s not like the Madrid or London or Sydney, which I’d find blogging on easier (to verbalize, not to get it right!). Most of what I learned was very internalised, it was very strongly to do with myself and not so much a grander scale of things.

I learned that no matter how crazy I am, there’ll always be a place I’ll fit in, even if it’s for not all the right reasons.

I learned that happiness can be as simple as jumping on a train to the beach.

I learned that no matter how much I learn about and struggle to obtain knowledge of what’s right, and then to practice is, I’ll always be wrong…

…And I learned that being wrong is most often the right thing to do.

And finally, I learned that I’m not as stupid as I’d always thought myself to be. Which was…well, nice.

How did I learn this from three days wondering through shops and a beach? I don’t know. Nor do I particularly care, I’m just glad for the experience!

I feel much better about myself after today. Cheers Brighton, I’ll really miss you! You really do Brighton up my days!

Toby Fredkin

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Gotta mature before you can get immature (fo’ realz)

Hola everybody! How’s everybody been doing? I know it’s been a little while since I actually went out of my way and posted a blog, it’s not really any form of an apology cause I know nobody really minds but I got tonsilitis on Thursday and my body has been, in every sense of the word but the literal, shitting itself at this. So I was pretty tripped out and woozy for a little while-I’m still kinda trippy from the medication now but feeling good enough to write so I’m gonna write in the hope it straightens out a bit.

I will apologise in case stuff comes out sounding like absolute muck because well…yeah, kinda squiggly off the medication for it but let’s just deal with that problem when it’s already here?

I think the best part of having moved to London, pretty much all on my own, is almost having time alone forced upon myself. Now, I do have some friends here and they’re lovely but being as suddenly quiet as I’ve become (in person, not stoopid internetz), I spend most of my time alone. I used to spend quite a good deal of time at home alone as well, but I find myself behaving in very different ways here as opposed to home. Most of the time at home was spent listening to music and watching random shows online. Now, I’ve only been actually alone in London for two weeks now and I’ve found myself sitting in silence a lot more, thinking a lot more about what’s going on now and what was going on before, unfortunately uneducated on most matters that cross my mind. That’s really more my bad than anyone else’s, I’m the one who dropped out of a music-arts course after all :p

I was talking to Chris about this a bit last night and I’ve been thinking a lot, not about the finer moral and ethical issues disparaging people at the moment (because let’s face it, there are far, far more intelligent people out there struggling with it and I’m sure my two cents on the matter is a bit worthless[if not simply a restatement]) but just nice, little problems that are more of an annoyance than a huge hindrance. Wow, I’m going to change the music from 30 Seconds to Mars to something else, this writing is all sounding very dark..

Ah..Kings of Leon. Better.

Maturity! There we go, I finally got there. From when I was as young as I can remember, (and I’m sure similarly for most others out there) I’ve always wanted to be big and grown up. Now, I don’t think that ever had anything to do with wanting responsibility or power or money or any of that nonsense. I think I just wanted to be better than other people-I wanted to be the kid that didn’t laugh at the word “penis” during class…I wasn’t that kid but I definitely wanted to be. I don’t think that’s a maturity though-it’s a bloody funny word. Penis…hehe. But you get what I mean, I was always trying to be more adult about things, approach everything as maturely as was possible for me.

I started drinking pretty young. Not to rebel or be cool, that just seemed like an adult thing to do. I started smoking pretty young (although from what I understand, not young by English standards). I’m not sure why that was-I think it’s because I was drinking so often with people who did smoke…who knows. 5 days cigarette free at the moment! (In fairness, I’ve only been sick for 4 days so…shut up, a good thing is still a good thing even if the catalyst forced it!) I started trying to approach everything in my life from a far more adult perspective, from a mature point of view…I’m not really sure how to phrase it properly.

Anyways, now I find myself slightly confused. Two more weeks and I’m twenty-one years old. That’s completely insane. And all I want to do is be the kid that I never really let myself admit I was. And now, I really am that. I’m just lacking an appropriate sort of…set off for it. I know that the people I feel most comfortable around, friends wise, I behave like an absolute child. And I love it, I love just being able to be so much more care-free and nonchalant (am I using that right?) than I otherwise am. I show affection and disappointment like a little kid, I take offense and get over it like a small child… I don’t know why I can’t just be that way with everybody. Maybe I’m not mature enough to actually be immature? 

Penis…penis…PENIS… No, nothing. Hmmm.

I think I need to grow up a little bit more before I can just be comfortable to be how I actually wanna be I guess? Although knowing me, in a month I’ll be pissy over how immature I’ve become.

Shit, I’m immature as all hell now. These blogs are probably a testament to that. But they’re helping me become more comfortable with myself by sharing little bits of myself with you. And I know it sounds corny and it’s one of the few things that I have a genuine level of faith in, but I know I cannot be happy with anybody else until I actually become happy with myself. Until my own company pleases me, I don’t understand how it could please anybody else. I’m not going to give a load of rubbish over how I can’t love somebody else till I love myself-maybe I’ll love them more but there’s a heap of people out there I absolutely love and adore. Like I’d not love y’all just cause I’m a whiny little bitch hey?

I think I’ll move to Brighton…

Toby.

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